1. |
Train to Hell
03:50
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i have a new man, he is patient with me
when i bite off my tongue and lie through my teeth
and tell him i’m sure even though i just want to be
and i know he gets sick of me apologizing
i wish i was better but i just can’t stop crying
and he deserves someone who talks about love like they know what it means
but if being here is a selfish act then i’ll talk the train to hell
leave behind my bible, bring a coin for the ferryman
cause i got no soul left to sell
and, yeah, that’s the shit that gets me in trouble
it’s all or nothing now
hold my shaking hand as i’m going down
i start drinking earlier every day now
only talk about my feelings when i’ve got a few shots down
and i know that’s a problem, even though you forgive me every time
but you are intangible, a voice through a screen
would you love me this much if you really knew me
in the way that the others did, in the way that made them want to leave
but if being here is a selfish act then i’ll talk the train to hell
leave behind my bible, bring a coin for the ferryman
cause i got no soul left to sell
and, yeah, that’s the shit that gets me in trouble
it’s all or nothing now
hold my shaking hand as i’m going down
you promise that you’re fine with all this wicked rot inside my spine
but if being here is a selfish act then i’ll talk the train to hell
leave behind my bible, bring a coin for the ferryman
cause this is just going so well
and, yeah, that’s the shit that gets me in trouble
it’s all or nothing now
hold my shaking hand as i’m going down
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2. |
Patterns
03:12
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you singed your fingers in the coals of the fire
you said you were looking for gold
a half-assed alchemist, a second place prize that doesn’t exist
yeah, this vanishing act is getting old
but you said that you’d have my back
i guess i should have know that was a lie
you’ve done this shit before and you’ll do this shit again
and i’ll probably just forgive you ever time
you can’t go across if i never drew a line
the tv’s still on but the movie’s over
i don’t remember what it was
all wrapped in cotton sheets, there’s stains that didn’t come from me
i’ve never been in this bed before
viewing the world with a sideways slant
there’s static ‘round the edges of the frame
i hope i don’t remember this in the morning
it’s morning now, and it haunts me when i wake
in a bed with a man’s arm around me while i try not to shake
hysteric apologetics, you probably meant it when you said it
but that feeling wore off pretty quick
there’s patterns here, and i have known them
it shouldn’t shock me when you follow them and abandon me for some dick
i’d just fucking kill him if i could
that’d solve the problem for us both
i guess i thought, after the years we spent together, our friendship wouldn’t have so many holes
we cut them ourselves cause it made us feel less alone
yeah, we cut them ourselves cause it made us feel less alone
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3. |
Song from the Bathroom
02:36
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you look me in the eyes like you know me
but i don’t think we’ve ever met
I’m leaning against the bathroom sink to keep from falling
my only company the mirror and my own head
and i said something last night, i was crying on your floor
‘i think i’m doing this wrong, i’ve never been human before’
and i’ve had too much to drink, which i guess is no surprise
and i can’t recognize my own eyes
do your fucking worst but you can’t hurt me
worse than i hurt myself every day
thought i’d be done by now, thought the sickness would be passing
but i think, whatever this is, it’s here to stay
it’s been thirty years and you’re still fucking miserable
does that mean there’s no hope for me, no hope for me at all?
and i think i can survive this, but don’t know why i would try
they say people change and that’s a lie
i don’t think i want to kill myself anymore
but i’m mostly still here out of spite
i still tear myself apart sometimes, when it gets bad enough
but at lest i don’t do it every night
guilty’s not a word i’d use to describe my state of mind
i’ll only get what i deserve, and that’ll be just fine
so i’ll take showers that sting and i’ll hide behind my hair
while everyone else forgets i’m there
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4. |
The Outsider
02:54
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does the outsider ever get a story like you hear
in all those love songs sung over the years?
or are we cursed to be alone, and sing only the saddest songs
i wish someone would come along and take away my fears
the closest that i ever got to meaning ‘i love you’
well, it was years ago, with someone i barely knew
i’ve been wandering since then
it’s always raining here
does the outsider ever get a story like you hear
in all those love songs sung over the years?
or are we cursed to be alone, and sing only the saddest songs
i wish someone would come along and take away my fears
will i still feel like this with someone by my side?
i don’t know if that’s how it works
but i’m pretty fucking scared i might
this kind of lonely don’t go away
saving my hope for a rainy day
does the outsider ever get a story like you hear
in all those love songs sung over the years?
or are we cursed to be alone, and sing only the saddest songs
i wish someone would come along and take away my fears
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5. |
Away
03:04
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i don’t know how you’re doing
i don’t think that i want to
so tell me why i can’t stop thinking about you
you carved pieces out of me and hung them on your wall
and you left me standing there with nobody to call
and my old friends are still your friends
and i have to hear about you from all of them
i got too fucked up at that party, tried to walk myself home in the wind
i just can’t say goodbye to your beauty
and the way that you shot words right through me
why did i have to comfort you then, when you knew what had just happened to me?
i’m far away from you now
i’ll never go back to that town
never go back to that town
i tried to write it all down
cause i know that ghosts stick around
i’ll never go back to that town
never go back to that town
the tattoo that i gave you
i hope you don’t get rid of it
and i hope you spend a million nights remembering what you did
i think I’m worse off having known you
and i’ll keep writing stupid songs cause i just don’t know what else to do
i don’t talk shit about you
you’re just mad that i tell the truth
and you’ve got everyone around you fooled
they really think they know you
i knew you once
i was scared to call it love
but if you called right now i’d answer so i think that’s what it was
i’m far away from you now
i’ll never go back to that town
never go back to that town
i tried to write it all down
cause i know that ghosts stick around
i’ll never go back to that town
never go back to that town
go back to that town
go back, back, back to that town
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6. |
Chronic Homesickness
03:26
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another coughing fit is keeping me awake again
i'm pinned to the mattress in a town that never changes
and i want to leave but i'm scared i'll miss it if i do
i never know when home is home, only realize when i go somewhere new
i've got chronic homesickness
i don't even know where my home is
will you stay by my side 'til the fever lifts?
home is never where i am, it's always where i've been
and i don't think i can settle down
i don't even know where i'd want to live
and this uncertainty is gonna make me lose my mind
i can't stay caged up like a rabbit, there's always some new field to find
i've got chronic homesickness
i don't even know where my home is
will you stay by my side 'til the fever lifts?
if i have a wandering soul, does that mean i've gotta be lonely too?
i don't have the energy to leave you and then go find someone new
i'd rather be alone 'cause i know no one's gonna stay right by my side
for forever, or at least until the day we die
i've got chronic homesickness
i don't even know where my home is
will you stay by my side 'til the fever lifts?
i'll find a home in everyone who smiles at me
in the basement at a punk show or in every other beautiful thing
in holding hands and drinking wine and raising voices to the sky
in late sunsets and maybe even in your eyes
i've got chronic homesickness
i don't even know where my home is
i've got chronic homesickness
will you stay by my side 'til the fever lifts?
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7. |
Ashes
04:14
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kick you in the teeth ‘til you’re unrecognizable
and ruin the best love that i’ve ever known
cause i have a gift, babe, and it’s like a Midas touch
except things just shatter and don’t turn to gold
pick at the scab so the wound never heals
dig in my nails where i know it’ll hurt
a test of my emergency broadcast system
to see what you’ll do when the fields start to burn
and they will, even if you deny it
they will, and at least i don’t hide it
and i feel Ike shit anyway
so tell me you hate me and number my days
you are a firefighter, you volunteered
to put out the flames that i start just for fun
you tell me you love me, i’ll try to believe it
even if i keep ripping the flesh from your bones
you don’t deserve this, i should be kinder
to myself, and to you, and the things that we share
i’ll cut to black like a power outage
and you can pretend that i was never there
and i’ll run, ashes down to the water
i’ll run, like a serpentine daughter
and my mother loved me, i’ll say,
so i’ll do what she taught me and hide this away
pull down the pillars, asleep in the belly of a whale
please don’t tell me you trust me
it’ll just hurt you more when i fail
pull down the pillars, asleep in the belly of a whale
please don’t tell me you trust me
it’ll just hurt you more when i fail
pull down the pillars, asleep in the belly of a whale
please don’t tell me you trust me
it’ll just hurt you more when i fail
pull down the pillars, asleep in the belly of a whale
please don’t tell me you trust me
it’ll just hurt you more when i fail
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8. |
Admit
06:07
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i don’t know how much of your love’s worth the risk
when you praise and condemn me all in the same breath
and there’s a story written on our arms, guess i’ll be the one to tell it
cause you’ll never speak to me again
i spent years cutting the dead strings that bind us
i think i’ll lose the last one when i stop drinking so much
and when i was done i was gonna braid us better ones
revive the shambling corpse of love
and pray that it’s enough
god damn it, could you just admit that you miss me
or at least you miss my forgiveness
and i don’t want to talk about it
i’ll get fucked up and then i’ll start crying
and i didn’t need you to defend me, but it would have been nice if you were even trying
i still remember the night you fell asleep wrapped in my arms
i was singing my favorite bon iver song
and you told me you loved me
and all i could say was ‘i know’
you didn’t deserve that, though
perform social surgery, remove all the blame from your head
go on and tell everyone about how i was such a bad friend
i’ll never go back to that town, i don’t mind if they think i’m a bitch
but you knew you were choosing him
i hope you can live with it
god damn it, could you just admit that you miss me
or at least you miss my forgiveness
and i don’t want to talk about it
i’ll get fucked up and then i’ll start crying
and i didn’t need you to defend me, but it would have been nice if you were even trying
and every day i’m scared i’ll get a call
cause i’m not there to break your fall
and i don’t need you as much as i used to
but that didn’t mean i was ready
god damn it, could you just admit that you miss me
or at least you miss my forgiveness
and i don’t want to talk about it
i got fucked up and i started crying
i think i needed you to protect me and you couldn’t be bothered with trying
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9. |
Spirit Bend
05:05
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i never taught my spirit how to bend before it breaks
and the comedown’s always easier when the worst part is over with
and I’m not sore from a backbend, i’m just shattered on the floor
cause i know i can’t withstand the winds of war
there are threads of darkness and they’re creeping down my spine
and a figure stands behind me, always slightly to the right
but he’s holding me together, and he’s gotten me this far
i can’t have an exorcism, if i did, i’d fall apart
i’ll follow the winding road
it’ll take me through idaho
and i don’t know how, but i know
the place i return to, it won’t be my home
to miss a touch you’ve never known
it’s like i can feel you grasping at my bones
and i’m grateful for all the grace that you’ve shown
you proved to a skeptic we’re truly not alone
there’s a black dog chasing me, he can never quite catch up
filled with an eternal hunger, i would never be enough
but he doesn’t seem to know that and he never seems to stop
and his presence shifts the focus from what i am to what i’m not
there is far too much of me, so which parts can i let go?
i’ll try to starve the devil out or catch him in my throat
remain an unnamed evil, a hatchet buried deep
known only in those silver lines and the secrets that i keep
i’ll follow the winding road
it’ll take me through idaho
and i don’t know how, but i know
the place i return to, it won’t be my home
to miss a touch you’ve never known
it’s like i can feel you grasping at my bones
and i’m grateful for all the grace that you’ve shown
you proved to a skeptic we’re truly not alone
in the forest where the black dog finally lays down with the lamb
it won’t be like what they describe, i can only hope you’ll understand
they have to die together, and they cant exist apart
and they’ll start to rot away within the shadows of your heart
i am the dog, i am the lamb, the forest lives inside me
it’s my blood that sustains them, and it’s really me they’re fighting
and i have to keep them both alive and learn to deal with it
cause the day that they stop breathing is the day i cease to live
i’ll follow the winding road
it’ll take me through idaho
and i don’t know how, but i know
the place i return to, it won’t be my home
to miss a touch you’ve never known
it’s like i can feel you grasping at my bones
and i’m grateful for all the grace that you’ve shown
you proved to a skeptic we’re truly not alone
no we’re never alone
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